Jokes Archives

A guy walks into a store and says to the salesgirl,

“I want to buy some toilet paper.”

She says, “What color?”

He says, “Give me white, I’ll color it myself.”

A drunk man staggered into a Catholic church and sat down in a confession box, saying nothing.

The bewildered priest coughed to attract his attention, but still the man said nothing.

The priest then knocked on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.

Finally, the drunk replied, “No use knocking, mate, there’s no paper in this one either.”

  1. A man walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender asks the man what he wants. The man says, “Give me a Bud Lite.”

When the bartender brings him the beer, he notices the guy pokes at his hand and starts talking. When he stops talking, the bartender asks, “What are you doing with your hand on your face?”

The guy says, “A while ago I was hit by lightning and from then on my hand became a cell phone.”

The bartender says, “Oh! You’re full of it!”

So the guy says, “If you don’t believe me, then here! Tell me your phone number and I will dial it.

The bartender says, “Dial 654-8967.”

The guy did so and hands the phone to the bartender who talks with his wife and kids.

After a few drinks, the guy goes into the bathroom. Two other guys come in and the bartender asks they if they saw the guy whose hand is a cell phone. The two guys say “Oh, you’re full of it!” The bartender tells them if they don’t believe him, then wait until he comes out of the bathroom and they can see for themselves.

After about 15 minutes the guy still hadn’t come out of the bathroom so the bartender goes to check on him. When the bartender goes into the bathroom he sees the guy standing there pants down and toilet paper rolling out of his butt. The bartender asks, “What the heck are you doing?”

The guy says, “Hold on a second! I’m getting a fax!”

If you’re an American when you go into the bathroom, and an American when you come out, what are you when you’re in the bathroom? Eur – o – pean.

A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!

A Fart. It goes through your pants and doesn’t even leave a hole.